BACK TO BLOGGING...IN BOSTON?

“What do I stand for?  What do I stand for?”

Some Nights-FUN

This song has been resonating with me in ways I am hesitant to even attempt to explain, but naturally, imma try J

As I 'welcome' myself back into the world of blogging, I am waiting on the tarmac at the Boston Logan International Airport runway, taxiing ever-so-patiently…sitting on the plane for longer than I will be in the air, en route to the wonderful, the beautiful, the ever-classy Garden State. 

Here I am, at a point of complete unknown in my life.  There are so many questions.  There’s no set way, no calculated path to follow to success, to fulfillment in my life…there’s no one telling me I have to go one way or another, I have the absolute freedom to make my choices and face their consequences. Relatable by everyone at some point or another…like experiences of joy, suffering, love, and loss, we all face crossroads in life, we have choices to make and results of those choices that follow.  How do we know that we are making the right choice? How do we process what we want and what is good?  How do we identify disordered thoughts and perspectives?  How do we know when we are supposed to step forward in one direction or another?  What if we ‘feel‘ no clarity either way?  How do we weigh feelings and process them through reason?  What if we are absolutely petrified of making the wrong decision?  Of losing control of our emotions, thoughts, actions…life?  Of…failure?  Of being deceived of the Truth… the truth of who we are, what we are meant to do, how we should live?  …What if I am flat out wrong? 

Here I am, flying home to drive to Philly, being presented with some gifted opportunities, opportunities to explore a possible profession, to engage with people who have ‘been there, and done that’ in this chosen field, and I have the chance to learn from their experiences, to learn of their passions, to receive a piece of their uniqueness, their humanity, and see a glimpse of transcendent beauty in this world, which speaks volumes of the One who made it all…and yet, my soul is void of gratitude, of excitement, of anticipation…I feel burdened. Overwhelmed.  Trapped. 

Appreciating the gifts that these people are is one thing, but choosing this profession, a whole other.  What IS the right choice?  How does one balance the advice, the encouragement, the skepticism and the votes of confidence, and perhaps even the expectations (though these can be and often are self-imposed…), with the war that seems to be going on inside? 

How do I translate the convictions, the Truth that swells up in my soul as I sit broken and in a messy blob on the floor of St. Clement’s in the early hours to my moment to moment life?  There is such a dis-connect between the fundamentals I desire to emulate, to live out, and what actually comes of my words and actions. 

Love. Self-gift. Every moment.  Seeing the unshakable, irrevocable beauty and worth in each person even (and perhaps especially) when they can’t. 

These are what I want to stand for.  But do I actually?  Are my eyes really looking?  Ears really listening?  Lips really speaking of Truth?  Am I caught up in myself? 

“What do I stand for?  What do I stand for?  Most nights, I don't know, anymore.”

Well, most nights I don't know.  Did I stand for Love today?  Did I go outside of myself, look into the eyes of the hundreds of people I pass each day?  Did I pray for those who are hurting, did I seek to ease the burden of another today?  And the thing is, all of these things, to be able to do any of them, requires me to first RECEIVE. Do I believe?  Do I see me?  The real me, or the image of who I think I am or who I think I need to be?  Am I listening to my heart, or am I so scared to engage with it that I mute it…am I able to receive Love?  To surrender my control? Right now, goodness, I am really struggling to lay it all down.  How do I let go of control without spinning into a dark abyss?  Why am I so afraid? So afraid of that unknown?  Of failing?  Of being vulnerable?  Of getting hurt?  Of loving and losing? Of failing?  Intellectually, I know the Truth, I am not enough on my own, I cannot do all that I am called to, I cannot be who I am called to be on my own, and I’m not meant to… 

I am at a crossroads, and its really unclear how much longer I’m going to be able to stand here, not making a decision, not picking a path.  I have to pick a path.  And in perfect time, I will.  Until then though, it is both the challenge and the gift to seek this moment, and embrace it for all that it is…a moment of immense beauty, of utter unknown; a moment for realizing that life is much bigger than ME, but that despite my small and meager position, I have a chance to leave my mark, to play a role, a crucial role, we all do!… I pray for the grace to do just that, today. 

~danielleritarose

family

"Denmark.  I can't believe that I was there 3 days ago.  What?  It seems like an alternate universe.  It's kind of strange to me; I feel like I loved my time there very much--I love Christina, Bo, Christian, Joachim, Amalie, I loved my classes and professors and the whole academic experience, I loved København, I loved the people I grew with-Bible Study, Nshunge, Rachel, Assiyah, I loved that I grew A TON, I ove that I got to see so many places and meet so many awesome people.  I loved the whole experience deeply and Denmark will always have a special place in my heart, and more than that, still be part of my everyday life (what with tea, fresh bread, and breakfast chocolate...yum :) ).  But, I am not sad, well, not super sad, to be gone.  I feel like this incredible semester has been but a "stitch in time," it is where You led me for the last 4.5 months and where a lot of growing occurred.  It was precisely where You wanted me.  But now, it is no longer where I am meant to be, so therefore, it is a bit easier to not be sad; if You don't want me there, You want me somewhere else, and You have something good and joy-filled and You-filled there.  Yeah! Where You are, is where I want to be.  You wanted me home for these 4 days, and I am happily here.  You want me in Nicaragua and my heart is longing, is preparing to be there.  Thank You for these 4.5 months.  Thank You for all of the beautiful places and people in this world."~journal excerpt

Mike kicking Watchung Hills butt :)

my family :)

my brother is so old now!!

:)

Mike and Diana :)

Vi Ses København!

Well, an amazing semester has come to an end.  I leave for the airport in approximately 1 hour, I haven't slept in 24+, and I am happy as can be :)

Kinnelon goes to Tivoli :)

coolest (and freakiest) ride!

:)

København <3

top of spiral church steeple!

from prm to kbh

KBH H at 417..look at that sky!

sunlight over the lakes

lakes :)

last sunrise...vanløse station

hej hej danmark... jeg vil savne dig!

a cool thing, for me to remember

and think lots about.

basically, this is just copy and pasted from a sermon I listened to.  the guy is pretty legit. And awesomely, for this sermon he gave NOTES.  which is perfect.  because there is a story I REALLY want to remember.  yes, I wanted another piercing.  I specifically wanted a nose ring, but that wasn't going to fly with a lot of people.  while I was cool with it, my parents, were not.  Basically, Acts 2:37 talks about having a pierced heart when hearing the Truth of Jesus, saying that people's lives were now reformed- totally new.  Well, I wanted a pierced ear to symbolize for myself, my pierced heart.  A physical representation/reminder for myself of my surrender to God.  Cool.  I was content with this.  More than content even.  But then today, I hear this sermon, that actually talks about a pierced ear.  And that was too good to be true.  What was better?  there were NOTES on this sermon, so I could get the scripture he was specifically referring to and bits of the message attached.  SO, that's the reason for this post.  No need to read on if it isn't your thing.  This blog is for me to mark down this semester and travels and such, so no offense taken if you don't read on, it's just for me to really look back on anyways :) 

pierced right ear :)

(Sermon: Feminine Beauty- Eric Ludy)

The Hebrew Bondservant
One of circumcised ears

If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh
he shall go out free for nothing. . . and if the servant shall plainly say, I
love my master . . . I will not go out free: Then his master shall bring him
unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post;
and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve
him for ever. ~Exodus 21:1-6

Bondservant – doulos (Greek) – a slave, a bondman, one given up to another’s will. Deeper Spiritual Meaning – One bonded to Christ out of love and affection.  One enslaved to the awesome power of love, one given wholly to its mastery over heart, mind, soul, and strength. One set free from the chains and punishments of Sin by the Blood of Christ who has now returned, ravished with love, to pay his rescuer homage and worship.  One wholly given to the Person of Christ as Lord, Master, King, Ruler, Bridegroom, and Friend.  A Bond-servant is one of circumcised ears, pierced with the aul of the Spirit, eager and able to hear his Master’s voice, and ready and attentive to His every command.   In the New Testament, a bondservant’s life is one owned and operated by the Spirit of Almighty God.  

The Circumcised Ear
Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house; so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him. ~Psalm 45:10-12

Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David. ~Isaiah 55:3

To whom shall I speak, and give warning, that they may hear? behold, their ear is uncircumcised, and they cannot hearken: behold, the word of the LORD is unto them a reproach; they have no delight in it. ~Jeremiah 6:10
 

And one of them smote the servant of the high priest, and cut off his right ear. And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched his ear, and healed him. ~Luke 22:50-51
 

The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show to His bond-servants, the things which must soon take place; and He sent and communicated it by His angel to His bond-servant John, ~Revelation 1:1

He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says unto the churches; To him that overcomes will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God. ~Revelation 2:7
 

He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. ~Matthew 11:15

Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. ~Matthew 13:9

If any man have ears to hear, let him hear, ~Mark 7:16

The Holy Recipe for Spiritual Listening
Damam, Raphah, Chashah, Qavah, Chuwl, Perimeno, Apekdechomai, Prosedreuo, and Prosdechomai

Old Main Roof, Delbarton School (brother high school)

Damam 

to be silent, still, wait upon the Most High, rest in His arms, be quieted by His grace

Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. ~Psalm 4:4
 

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him ~Psalm 37:7a

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. ~Psalm 62:5

Raphah 

refrain from labor, be quiet, let go of your burden, sink down into His Almighty Life

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. ~Psalm 46:10

Chashah  

to make calm, quiet, bring to peace and a cheerful state of rest

He makes the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. ~Psalm 107:29
 

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. ~Mark 4:39

Qavah 

to wait, to look for, to hope, expect, to wait to eagerly expect

Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. ~Psalm 25:5
 

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. ~Psalm 27:14
 

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. ~Psalm 130:5
 

The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. ~Lamentations 3:25

Therefore turn thou to thy God: keep mercy and judgment, and wait on thy God continually. ~Hosea 12:6

Chuwl

endure difficulties with longing, strength and hope

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him. ~Psalm 37:7 

Perimeno

to wait for

And, being assembled together with them, commanded them that they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, saith he, ye have heard of me. ~Acts 1:4

Apekdechomai

to patiently and assiduously wait for

But if we hope for what we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. ~Romans 8:25
 

Prosedreuo  

to sit near, to attend assiduously, to be in attendance upon, to not quit one’s side

Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar? ~1 Corinthians 9:13 

Prosdechomai
to give access to one’s self, to admit, to accept (not reject) a thing offered, to expect the fulfillment of a promise 

Simeon

And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb. And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord . . . And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him. And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord's Christ. And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law, Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said, Lord, now let thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: For mine eyes have seen thy salvation  . . . ~Luke 2:21-30

Joseph of Arimathaea, an honorable counselor, which also waited for the kingdom of God, came, and went in boldly unto Pilate, and craved the body of Jesus. ~Mark 15:43

 PEACE.

Lennon Wall, Prague

finals week

smørrebrød with Danish class

I would take this finals week, every semester, for the rest of my school life as long as I live.  Little stress, Lots of enjoyment.  Doing well, of course, is important.  Well, doing my best is anyways.  A cool way I've grown: LESS ANXIETY REGARDING SCHOOL.  wooooo :)  Doesn't mean I don't want to do well or don't want to learn, because I do (for both!).   But, it's not the standard by which I'll measure success or self worth, or any of that stuff that I used to do quite a bit.  woo-weee.  Anyways.  I love København.  I love springtime here.  It is well worth that winter to experience THIS.  I'll be back to Denmark one day, I don't doubt it, but seriously, I don't think you could pay me to come in the winter...spring or summer for me please.  Plus, I love the sunshine waking me up at the lovely hour of 5-530am :) who doesn't?  Anywho, here's the quick synopsis of my finals week.  not bad, not bad.  and I promise, there are about 400 pictures to document this stuff, so M&D, you'll see soon enough! (BTW- up to 1400 CPH pictures alone!- total semester? about 6000 ... bet you can't wait for all those slide shows :) )

pretty bike

Finals Week, Spring 2011

Day 1: 

 hand in three papers.  

-preterm birth developmental effects

-journal of personal achievement, Danish

-Christiania, Danish

hey Rach

green man means WALK

-bike into København with Bo

-get cartilage pierced :) [acts 2:37]

-sit on Gammel Torv with Rachel

-walk around with Charlotte, Danish professor, for 45 minutes talking about life

-watch Mifune, a Danish dogma film

-eat my favorite pastry

-dinner on the patio with Bo and Christina as the sun sets

WOOOO :)

Day 2: 

fly to Dusseldorf.

hang out with Ashley all day!

eat sandwiches in a park

food shop

cook chicken and pasta

watch a movie

sit on a roof and journal at dusk

talk, laugh, pray

<3

Day 3:  

Dusseldorf Marathon.

cheer for Ashley

run lots of km with Ashley

meet a Danish family

cheer for runners

watch lots of people drink beer after running 43km (the thought enough makes one sick)

cook salmon and pasta and mozzarella chicken

more roof praying

great talks

sleep

Danish flag from the family I met, a daisy I picked, and the verses Ashley chose :)

Day 4: 

 fly to København, study for 3 exams.

Kongens Nytorv

leave hostel at 4am

arrive at DIS at 745am

"study" for 3 hours.

sit at Gammel Torv for lunch with Rachel

play with Amalie

dinner and sleeeep

Day 5: 

biomedical ethics exam.

exam from 12-14.

walk around Strøget.

sit on Gammel Torv.

eat brownie gelato with pink fluff on it.

sit in King's Garden for 3 hours with Rachel.

walking with Anne

last Bible study, so hyggelit :)

  

Gammel Torv!

Day 6: 

health beyond borders exam.

path to the beach

walk to the beachhhhh

meet Rachel and Nshunge at Nørreport at 11

Amager Strand (BEACH) for 3 hours

chocolate lagkage for Nshunge's birthday

"studying" and photoshoots

exam from 15-17.

dinner with family on patio.

beach and windmills :)

Rachel Me Nshunge :)

Day 7:  

human health and disease exam

Nyhavn :)

Nshunge and pizza

bike into København successfully by my self!

sit on Gammel Torv

have a cool conversation with a homeless man about medicine

exam 12-14

souvenir shop for friends and family

prosciutto and mushroom pizza on nyhavn with Nshunge and Rachel

trampoline with Amalie and Laura

family dinner on the patio.

Nyhavn

Me and Rachel

Nshunge and I

Nyhavn

like I said, I am going to miss this.  A LOT.

 

how all the postcards are sent home :)

also, this was in the Danish National Museum, and it is funny :)

grace in motion

I'm just going to miss all the bikes everywhere!

 so that phrase (saying?) is just a "quote" on my scrapbooked journal, but I do think it describes my life.  No, I am not exactly the graceful type, just watch me eat pizza or count how many times I trip in a day (I dare you to try, it's too many!).  But I think I am able to live in the moment when I submit to the grace I've been given.  And when I live in surrender to that grace, it overwhelms me and is all of me, and yeah, that becomes "grace in motion."  Anyways, really, I couldn't think of a title for this blog, so I picked the first thing my eyes caught- that quote on the back of my journal.

Okay.  Right.  So.  It's May 13.  I love the number 13.  It's great.  It's lucky.  It's...five days before I go back to the U.S.A.?!?! Mannnn.  

Christiania entrance

I am super scatterbrained right now, and I've thought a million times about just forgetting about blogging and going and being in this place, but not blogging isn't going to take away my scatterbrained-ness, and plus, I'm going to want to remember this feeling.  

I have literally spent a couple of hours in total, here and there, recapping every possible memory I can from my months in København.  The rule?  ONLY things that have taken place in Denmark.  Why? Because I want a just Danish list!  I have this wonderful thing called a gratitude journal that my friend suggested I keep this semester, and that has a great recap of all my travels, as well as another of my journals (yes, I've become quite the journal feign).  But, I have spent the semester in DENMARK.  And I wanted to think back over all my favorite parts of this semester, all of the things that brought me smiles and laughs, all of the things that I am going to miss.  That turned into 8 pages of bullet points.  So if anyone was once in doubt, there is no need to be.  I LOVE this place, and am going to miss it.  

Michelle + Mural

 A couple of times this semester (only a few, but still, worth a quick mention!), I felt stagnant- unchanging, stuck in the same old same old, and not really living.  I felt like I was watching my life, and not really living in it.  It was a strange thing to feel.  But looking back through my journals and skimming all that I wrote, I am pretty sure that wasn't true, but rather that those were the times when the deepest transformations were happening, and I was too stuck in the mud to see it.  Weird, right?

art :)

I am so grateful for these four months in Denmark, in Europe.  For the Rønsholt's, my wonderful host family.  For my professors, the conversations and life challenges they posed to us.  For my bike, the ridiculous adventures we have had and its faithfulness to keeping me safe (it really was a question sometimes haha).  For the strangers I'd pass on the streets, smiles and nods.  For the people I've met, going from strangers to real friends.  For the journey God has taken me on, awakening my heart to more of His plans, more of His beauty, and more of His love in the world around me, and well, IN me.

What am I going to miss from this country?  From these four months?  The simple answer, is, everything.  I'll miss the things I love about Denmark, and I'll miss the things I hate about it, because both have stirred a deeper passion and realization of Truths in me, and both have changed me for the better.

 Today, while I was visiting Christiania for the last time (insert suggestive tone saying I was there to smoke hash...note-that's not what I did), Michelle and I ran into a man who was rather high.  He said something that made me smile a lot though, and well, he had a darn good point.

my job is to make 10 people smile today.  And if they go and make 10 people smile, well, we just might get somewhere in the world.

spray painted in Christiania

Yes, I do believe you are correct sir.  For the record, he said this right before he proceeded to ask us for some kroner for more hash.  Even still, he made us smile, made us think, and made me hope I make 10 people smile tomorrow :)